Why are you so mean?

School sucks, life is stupid, and being the only single girl in the group is depressing, but what's more depressing than that is the fact that I've been bullied since the beginning of school and nothing's been done about it. How do 3 16-year-old girls get away with bullying another group of girls, calling them condescending names in front of a teacher, and nothing gets done? I usually ignore it, but it got too much at school on Monday, and when I told the teacher, he blew it off and when my mom sent an email to him, my senior class principle, the school principle, my councilor, and the other drama teacher, he said I was bullying them. I don't get it. And when I told some friends about it, they acted as if I was telling them the sky way blue. By you doing that, it shows me you don't care, and that's upsetting. And what's more upsetting, I posted on FB that I'm contemplating transferring from school to online schooling, and the one I wanted to read it and comment so she'd realize how it hurt when she blew it off, was too caught up in her stupid boyfriend to even care ( which she's been doing since they started going out, and that's why she blew me off!!) which just pissed me off more!! I'm done. I'm going to transfer to online schooling. No one cared that I was being bullied except my mom. I know later on in life, I'll be more successful, or better off, or whatever you wanna say, but right now, it tears me down and I don't wanna get back up.

"You, with your words like knives

And swords and weapons that you use against me,
You, have knocked me off my feet again,
Got me feeling like I’m nothing.
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard
Calling me out when I’m wounded.
You, pickin’ on the weaker man."

=S Updates were lost in translation...

I haven't updated in a while I realized today as I listened to my song of the day. Dear John is a great song to describe the relationship of my high school years, I think. I tip-toed around trying not to ruin anything so it would work out and I wouldn't be the only single girl in the group, I told my mom that everything was fine when I knew that it wasn't, and I cried... a lot... over the stuff I got put through, but now I'm looking back at it, I realize that: I was too young, I should have listened to everyone when they said to not get into it with him, and it's not my fault we didn't work out. It's his! I gave 80 to his 20, and I shouldn't have. But now I'm going to watch from the side lines, sadly single, but happily drama-free.

1 down 179 more to go...

First day back to school!! It sucked!! I don't like many of my classes, already I'm not liking the people in my classes, Adv. Theater seemed like it's gonna a boring year, and tech was a total waste!! And I'm starting to realize why exactly everyone looks at me crazy when I say who I like(d). He doesn't listen, he talks during class, he ignores what the teachers tell him, and he just... pisses people off! He pissed me off today, and it's only 2 classes!! My year's gonna suck!

School two, Summer zilch

I think this is a really pretty flower, don't you? Anyway, even if you don't, I like it. =) I finally saw Eat, Pray, Love today. I had fun walking around in the back room looking at all the cool posters while the shelves were being stocked. But as soon as the movie ended and we stepped out of the theater, I realized how hot it really was today. In the shade, it felt like at least 98, but it was sweltering in the sun.

106 the dashboard thermometer says in my mom's car, and she and I agree it's too hot to move. But groceries need to be bought and put in the fridge. Dinner needs to be made, and we have to chose from pasta or something that can be made in the microwave because yet again, something's wrong in this Hell we call our apartment. The oven's out this time, last time it was the sink, the time before that the plumbing and a cracked tile in the bathroom. No air conditioning in this heat isn't something that should be legal, but it's my life for the summer because this place doesn't have it. I have my mini fan on high and the lights out all day. But it's still too hot. At least it's cooler in here than it is in the rest of the place. Small victories...

Two trays of ice gone already, and we need another already. Too hot to move, too hot to think, too hot to sleep, too hot to do anything but lay in the bed in short shorts and a spaghetti strap shirt. We need relief from this heat. It was cold all summer, why now is it hot? Why right before school starts? Why when we can't enjoy it? It'll be cold again when school starts and summer ends. Grey days take over the sunny days we wished for, but never got. Class takes over where swimming should have been. Homework takes up our nights instead of sleepovers and late night hang outs. Still hanging with friends, but now it's gotta be scheduled between rehearsals, homework, and performances. Why does summer have to end?

Final goodbye

Soooo... Is anyone ready for our final year in high school? The last year before adulthood? Cause I just really THOUGHT about it today, and I'm not really all that ready yet... I'm going to miss my days of "I don't wanna!!" and watching cartoons in my pj's or cuddling with my teddy bear. Someone, PLEASE, tell me it doesn't have to change. That I can still do that after high school. That I don't have to grow up just yet...

I'm so confused...

*Sigh* I don't know what's going on with Him and me anymore. We went to the movies today, first time hanging out since all that crap happened. He told me last night that he's going to take time off from relationships, and he keeps saying stuff like 'relationships suck' and 'i'm so done with them', but when he went to go get popcorn and soda for himself, after I said I didn't want anything, he came back talking about how everyone asked if he brought someone along to the movie, and when he said yea, he was on a date with me (WTF?!), they gave him a hard time and were teasing him. So can someone explain to me what just happened? Cause I don't understand the intricacies of the teenage male.

Why don't you tell her? Why don't you let her see the feelings that you hide?

I finally started unpacking some of the boxes in my room and found my cd's. One of them, of course, was Jesse McCartney's cd Beautiful Soul, and I had never actually listened to the entire cd before, or put it on my iPod for that matter, but I wanted to add the song Beautiful Soul to my iPod so I thought "Hey, might as well listen to the rest. See if I like any of the other songs". Wow... It's all I gotta say. His song 'Why Don't You Kiss Her' is a really good song to listen to when I'm in this kind of mood. I've forgiven him for his crap (again), {but I haven't told him yet...} and I'm feeling all... Bubbly and giggly again =). *Sigh* I feel better. Happy =)

Old Idea- New Me

I'm kinda tired of crying, tired of being depressed but acting like I'm not, tired of smiling but no one be able to tell something's wrong. So I've decided I'm gonna post a song of the day that shows how I'm feeling every couple of days. Maybe that will make me feel a little better and not so much like... 'Why do I let him treat me like this, get upset, then go back to him'. Today's song shall be 'The Way I Loved You' by Taylor Swift. Because that's how it is, Guy 1 is the perfect gentleman, and he's a really great guy to date, and yet I still like Guy 2 and I don't want to date Guy 1, and even though he always makes me upset, I like the arguments and the fights and the "I hate you"s more than the holding the door open, paying for everything, and "let me carry that for you"s.

Mixed reviews

Got my hair done. The hair dresser and her assistant thought I was between 12 and 14. Haha I'm always told that. Got my senior pictures taken today. I apparently have got a gorgeous smile and light blue boas are a good color on me. lol And then we went to say hi to my Tita Ces and her son Ty, the baby who's picture's my backround on my phone. =) He's close to 7 months now and he's so adorable! He's got the cutest smile and giggles. And then we came home and I got a text. There's gonna be a group movie date at our local movie theater with all my friends. Josh works there so he makes all the plans. But then he texted me that he's already got a date (Steph set him up with one of her friends). So I told him "well that's good, I wasn't planning on asking you anyway" (even though I was). But then I saw Steph online of fb, so I told her what happened last night. How after she went home he was flirting with me, and had his arms around me like a boyfriend would his girlfriend, and how he kicked everyone out so we could watch a movie together. then we started kissing and cuddling and playing with eachothers fingers, and then he walked me home and gave me a good night kiss on my front porch. But of course, he's still going to date Steph's friend! Can't forget that!! I asked him why he did that, and he said he got caught up in the moment and that it wasn't fair to me, so I told him "no. it wasn't. so please refrain from treating me like the secretary yo're doing behind your wife's back". And now I'm not going to his 18th surprise party and i'm not going on the movie date... And i've lost my best friend. So now I'm listening to Reba McEntire's song Consider Me Gone on repeat...

FUDGE!!! i'm SO tired of packing!!!!

"You didn't help" "I did everything" "You guys need to actually get off your butts and HELP with something". I'm SO friggin tired of hearing that!!!! DAMN!!!! I packed up my entire room without you. I carried all of the boxes downstairs to James, and he and I both helped YOU when you were sitting on YOUR butt, by carrying the boxes down to where they needed to be. And we put all of the boxes and furniture in the truck today. WE DID STUFF!!!! WE HELPED! SO QUIT SAYING WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!!!

He likes me as I am!

So while on my little field trip to look for apartments to live in back home, I realized during my 3 guy, all want to date me, all guy's i've known for a while, love triangle (well really it's a triangle with me in the middle) that of all of them, the only one who I KNOW will deal with my constant mood swings, stay in bed because i'm depressed that day, weird episodes is the one who broke my heart in the first place. He likes me as I am, not how I act around others to have people like me. He doesn't try to change me, he respects my prefrences to not do anything physical besides hold hands, and well... Miley Cyrus describes it well in her song As I Am

DUMBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you know this oil spill that's killing the ecosystem in the gulf? Did you know the company has this GREAT idea to drill a hole into a different part of the pipe to pump sand and cement in to stop the oil flow? But they won't be done with it til August. YEA! The hole that's there now is only releasing 25-45% of the oil, but if they drill a hole, it'll release 100% through THAT hole!! I know i don't pay attention in my classes, and i'm only a 17 yr old junior in high school, but I can come up with a better idea than these stupid people!!

I'll miss you!!!

Although I'm glad to be moving home, I think I'll miss it here. Not the weather, or the place itself, but the people. And not even ALL of the people, just my friends at school.

I'm gonna miss Audrey, and her silly actions (like the locker! lol)
I'm gonna miss Becka, and how amazingly weird she is.
I'm gonna miss Amy, and how, when I first got here, she invited me to be her friend, simply because we had theater in common.
I'm gonna miss Cassie, and how even though we didn't know each other long, we soon bonded over our mutual hate of our math and chemistry teachers.
I'm gonna miss Saia, and how nice he was to me when I first met him at registration and again during OUM simply because I was a new student.
And I'm gonna miss the rest of my theater friends who let me in on their inner world of East High Drama.

And even though I missed an entire year at CVHS, I know that I'm gonna get back in the swing of things. I'll make it shine! =)